The Social Network for Dog Lovers

Pet Loss Support Group

Information

For anyone that has experienced the loss of a little one

Members: 17
Latest Activity: Oct 22

Time of Loss

Until one has traveled that road through the Valley of the Shadow of Death, it is impossible to understand the depths of the journey. Grief
can be as debilitating as a grave physical illness and can overtake our
lives for a time. In its all consuming form, grief can swallow up in its
path our joys, hopes and dreams and even our will to go on, leaving us
a shadow of who we once were.

While death has taken away our beloved, grief has torn open our hearts
and our eyes bleed with the heart's endless tears. The heart is
seemingly beyond repair and most certainly beyond recognition.
Our heart is simply and utterly broken.

Sadly in our society, Pet Grief is not generally accepted as a "valid"
form of grief and so often people feel ashamed or embarrassed by the
depth of their pain and grieving.

As a Chaplain of Pets, we can assure those suffering the loss of pets
with what has been termed the "Three N's of Grief:"

Grief is NORMAL
Grief is NATURAL
Grief is NECESSARY.

Grief is like a journey down a river. We are suddenly adrift on a raft of
emotions that threatens to capsize as we ride over the rapids, go over
the falls, and steer through the spinning eddies in whirlpools of thought
where we replay over and over the 'coulda, shouda, wouldas' that might
have changed the outcome of our loss. The river has its moments of
calm, and at those times we feel that we are through the worst, only to
have yet more white water of tears and emotions to go through. It can
be a long and difficult journey. But as much as we try to ignore the grief,
it does not ignore us. We must face it and learn to ride this river. There
is no getting around it. If we do not make the journey consciously, we
make it unconsciously with the raging white water spilling over into our
everyday lives and relationships with others.

When it comes to losing human loved ones, everyone, including family
and friends, colleagues (and even ourselves) understands that it takes
time to heal from grief. We are "allowed" and are given the courtesy of
time and space. But when it comes to Pet Loss, we usually face a
different group of voices all together. Most of the words from family
and friends, though well intended, are not very supportive after all.
These unfeeling responses can leave us feeling worse than we did
before. At worst case, the mourner will be ridiculed or even laughed at
for feeling so deeply about the death of their beloved pet.
"Get over it," " You can always get another one," "It was just a pet."
To the one enduring the pain of grief, those are cruel and harsh words.
They leave the pet-mourner feeling not only desperately alone, but
ashamed and embarrassed. Feeling "silly" or even "stupid" for such
deep grief over "just a pet,"

The all too common responses when we tell someone that our pet has
passed away can be deeply hurtful. Few openly acknowledge and
support our feelings when we tell them our pet has died. Many express
momentary sympathy, and then move on in the conversation as if we
had just said, "My car doesn't run anymore." There is often no
follow-up concern over your loss. No casseroles arrive at the door and
the sympathy cards do not come in the mail. The overall message
comes across that our pet was not important, that our feelings are not
important, that we are foolish and that our pet (the love of our lives!) is
replaceable. None of these are true and all are hurtful. It feels like
society is laughing at our pain. So many people just end up not sharing
it, not telling people how they really feel, and unfortunately, not reaching
for the support and help from either clinical or clerical that they so need
in their time of loss.

Discussion Forum

"Comparing Grief for Animals to Grief for Humans" 2 Replies

Started by Momcat Sooma. Last reply by Momcat Sooma Apr 2.

The Dragonfly" by Doris Stickney

Started by Momcat Sooma Mar 31.

"You Can Find Love Again"

Started by Momcat Sooma Mar 31.

Comment Wall

Comment

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Comment by Grief Worthy on October 22, 2009 at 6:29am: I so understand, been there done it. It is horrible to lose a beloved pet. Check out www.griefworthy.ning,com or www.griefworthy.com. You will find comfort here. You will never forget but you do move on in your own time. Peace, healing and blessings. Roe

Comment by Caryn Wilson on October 22, 2009 at 6:20am: Thankyou for this group. I appreciate the thoughtful insight. I am having such a difficult time getting over my loss of Tillie my 12 year old Shih Tzu. I didn't think it would hit me like this. It has been seven months but still not a day goes by that I don't think about her. My photo is with her brother Tazie whom I still have and he is so special too. I'm grateful to still have her brother but he too is getting to the end of his days and I will have to face another goodbye. I would appreciate any words of encouragement...nobody around me seems to understand my loss as they are not avid pet lovers. Thanks!

Comment by Momcat Sooma on September 10, 2009 at 8:35am: Dear Mariya,

I am so sorry to hear about your loss. I gather that Frosty is the dog in your avatar. What a beautiful girl! I know how deeply you miss her, and how your heart is breaking now. But in time, your heart will heal and you will find yourself ready to find love again. Until then, take care of yourself and give yourself time to grieve and heal.

Saying goodbye to our best friends is one of the hardest things we have to do, and we all must do it at one time or another. Their unconditional love and loyalty is so healing, and they teach us so much about accepting one another. When they are gone, it takes time to come to terms with what the new state of normal will be in our lives.

I always pray for people who have loved so well to prepare to open their homes and hearts to another animal who needs a good home as soon as they're prepared to take that step. A new one never replaces the one who has gone ahead to the Rainbow Bridge. Our hearts make room for the new one to snuggle into their own spot, just as the first one did. All of them remain snuggled within as long as we live, and our hearts keep growing.

Think of it as a close friend who moves to anther state or another city. We grieve when our dear friend goes away, but soon we find a new friend to share our time with. We go out to dinner and to movies and galleries together, but we always remember the things we did with the first friend. One does not replace the other, but our circle of friends continues to grow. It's the same with our best friends. Each one is unique, and they come to us when we need them the most.

I'm sending you virtual hugs and keeping you in my thoughts and prayers.

Comment by Mariya Q on September 10, 2009 at 2:01am: I am so glad I stumbled across this website. Thank you for creating this and the comforting words from everyone who truly understand what losing a pet really is! A pet is not "just a pet" like so many refer to them as! They are part of us, they are part of our lives, they are our family! Some people just cannot begin to comprehend what we truly feel when we lose our beloved pet. Losing Frosty has changed my life and I dont think it will ever be the same! She made everyday worth living....everyday I had someone to go home to...anticipating my arrival...and sad to see me leave in the morning. I miss her...I miss that...and she will forever have my whole heart! I love you Frosty!

Comment by Grief Worthy on May 18, 2009 at 12:35am: Thank you for your very kind words. I do not want to step on ANYONE'S toe's, I just want to offer another resource to those who have not found the thing or place to bring them comfort. I know for me, books about grief just were not enough. I needed more! I think because my site is only for grief or loss, where as this one can still be about living animals, there is a difference. It is there to only help and bring comfort and brings lot's of options in that arena! Hope to chat again soon. Nice meeting you.

Comment by Momcat Sooma on May 17, 2009 at 3:04pm: It's good to meet you. I did check out your site, and I think it's marvelous. One of the things I really like about it is that it is for all losses, and doesn't categorize them. I always say, Love is love, loss is loss, and grief is grief. Period." Your site offers an environment where people can interact, and the ones who are there to mourn the loss of a human can learn that the grief for a furry best friend is every bit as real and can be every bit as devastating. What a wonderful way to share the fact that there is no such thing as "Just a dog (cat, horse, goat, ferret, etc)". A best friend is a friend forever, and each one is unique and irreplaceable, no matter how many legs they have, or whether they wear clothes or coats of fur.

You've done a wonderful, healing thing by creating your site, but I just wonder if this site is the place for either of us to promote other loss sites, out of respect for James and Maui. ;-)

It's nice meeting with you and having this exchange!

Comment by Grief Worthy on May 17, 2009 at 2:51pm: Griefworthy.com is for ALL your loved ones, human or animal. It is an extremely touching. soothing site for any type of loss. It was for the lack of this through my own losses that it was created. Thank you for responding to my comment, I'd like to hear your feedback once you check it out. The network is interactive and oh so moving! www.griefworthy.ning.com is the network

Comment by Momcat Sooma on May 17, 2009 at 2:32pm: In response to griefworthy's comment, I hope to see this site build to an interactive, community of caring members who will support each other through their losses. Sadly, there is room for many good grief-related sites on the internet.

Another fantastic pet loss site, where I have been a volunteer for 5 years, is http://www.rainbowsbridge.com (check out the pet loss forum and pet loss chat room there!). The sister site, for human loss is http://www.belovedhearts.com

Comment by Grief Worthy on May 17, 2009 at 12:43pm: A wonderful network for dealing with grief. It is a very supportive and comforting site. Check it out and spread the word. www.griefworthy.com for the site
www.griefworthy.ning.com to join this amazing network. Healing through sharing!

Comment by Maltese Mom on May 1, 2009 at 11:59am: I was very fortunate when my 12 year old maltese Rio passed. I never realized how many true friends I had that cared about me and most of all cared about Rio. From the moment he passed I was overwhelmed with calls, emails, letters, sympathy cards and stuffed animals and flowers. I was touched by the concern from friends, family members, the vet, and groomer and all who knew Rio. I am happy you have this support group. Thank you.